Keep Santa Cruz Weird!

I'm not getting any better at this regular blogging!
I've been in the US now for almost 2 weeks, and i'm having an amazing time. Taking everything in and making the most of spending this precious time with my family. My "niece" Evie is the cutest little cupcake and i know i'm going to find leaving her Rachel next week really difficult. I can't wait for them to move back to the UK, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon.
I'm really loving Capitola & Santa Cruz, i can really understand why they are so happy here. It's so lovely and sunny and warm, the architecture is beautiful, lots of great shopping and restaurants, it seems like a really good quality of life. A lot more laid back than in England. It's made me think a lot more about maybe living abroad for a bit.


I've bought loads of gorgeous bits while i've been here (and feel very guilty!), my favourite is a t-shirt from Urban Outfitters with an Oscar Wilde quote which i love "We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars".

Rachel & I have bought bits to make bracelets for each other so we remember this time together & i've been collecting things to go in my photo album which i'm already looking forward to putting together when i get back.

Adventure is out there!

Well tonight is my last night in my own bed for 3 weeks. Feel really sad at the moment, i find it really hard to think of things i'm gaining, just of things i'm saying goodbye to, My Dad, Jeffery, Ralph, all my own things, my books, my films, my jewellery, i suppose they are all just shields to hide behind. For me, packing for a trip is like when people say "what would you take if your house was on fire?", i've spent my whole life collecting all of this stuff around me, it's hard to know what's important. I suppose none of it is really.
Had a really lovely day with my Dad today, we went to see "UP" at the cinema, so i feel pretty sad about not seeing him for a while. I know it may seem really silly to some people, but when you're going through what i've been going through for the past four years you develop a support, a way of coping. My family and friends have been key to that, and this trip is going to be a real test for me. Went out with Sari & Charlie on Tuesday night to the Piano Bar for Bon Voyage cocktails. Sari is leaving for 3 months in South America next month, and Charlie is going to stay with her for New Year. It was a really nice way of saying "See Ya Later".

Last week i ordered two t-shirts from Every Little Counts (http://www.everylittlecounts.net/) to be delivered to Rachel's house in Capitola, so i'm really looking forward to receiving them. Wish i could have ordered more, i really love their clothes.

 

Right, i had better get back to packing, Jeff is trying to climb into my suit case, and they way i'm feeling i might just let her!

"I don't ever remember feeling this awake"

I haven't written in a long time cause i've been ill, first with the flu and then a cold. Today is the first day of feeling better, and although i'm still pretty poorly i can't stop smiling because it feels so good to feel better! I had an amazing time in Brighton with Arianne. Bat For Lashes were amazing, Natasha Kahn was so cute, i could have just put her in a little box and taken her home. Her voice was really incredible, i was blown away.
Unfortunately i still haven't worked out how to use my new camera, so my photo's were pretty shoddy.

After the gig we rang my brother, and met up with him and his mates for a few drinks before heading upstairs to a brilliant club that played amazing music like Blondie and The Cure, as well as Blur and more current stuff. Arianne and i had so much fun, but a bit too much to drink! Met a really nice guy as well, which was fun. Got a cute picture of me and my intoxicated sibling!

Felt so hung-over in the morning, but Arianne was bright as a button! So unfair! Managed to spend a lovely day shopping, although i had to stop frequently for caffeine and to reply to texts from guy from previous night. Got the train home in the evening but got stranded at Gatwick Airport for an hour, so we spent too much time giggling like school girls at people trying to get baggage trolleys on the escalators - so naughty! Brilliant weekend.

Haven't really been up to much else, went for a drink with some of the guys from my therapy group which was nice, it's good to have people who can relate, we feel like a real little team. Fell in love with a hooded cardigan from Gap's body range that feels amazing, so mum bought it for me to cheer me up (i'm so spoilt!)it's now my writing jumper for wearing over pretty knee high bed socks and grey pants whilst i write in my journal before bed. Countdown down till California trip - 9 Days - Scary!

"What's A Girl To Do"

I am so excited about finally seeing Bat For Lashes perform on Friday night. And in her home town of Brighton no less! I'm going down Friday afternoon and spending the weekend in Brighton. It's going be to a great weekend. Now to decide what to wear.......

A Girl Can Dream

I'm completely in love with the Alexander McQueen dress Drew Barrymore wore to the "Whip It!" premier in Toronto this week. The man is a fashion genius. I'm looking forward to seeing someone else wearing another one of the dresses from the 2010 resort collection that has a similar lace pattern. How stunning,... sigh!

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to be."

Hooker DreamEscape

Today i am totally loving Natalia Fabia's artwork. I first came across her when she was on an episode of Miami Ink, and i thought her paintings were amazing, but today i stumbled across her latest collection "Hooker DreamEscape". They are stunning. I wish i could see them in person. Her work usually features "Hookers" a word she uses to describe “rad, talented chicks”, because essentially we are all "selling our talents". Her style has defiantly got more realistic as her career has blossomed, but i love the old and the newer work, she has such a distinct style and use of colour. I can't wait to see what she does next. Hope to one day to at least own a print!

http://www.nataliafabia.com/

This is not a love story. This is a story about love.

OMG! I saw 500 Days Of Summer yesterday - at last, I've been waiting for ages! It was brilliant. It really affected me, i was properly crying near the end. I haven't really felt that way about a film since Lost In Translation. It's so nice to see love portrayed in such a realistic way, it really inspired me to want to write again. It also completely refueled my girl crush on Zooey Deschanel, think i own almost all her films, and i loved her as Kat in Weeds. Her characters are always vaguely similar but her emotional range as an actress is fantastic, totally believable. She's also completely beautiful.

Birthday Bonanza!

Wow! What an intense week. I have been so busy i have barely stopped to breathe, and somewhere amongst the chaos i turned 24. I've been to Wittering to see the sea, Claridge's for afternoon tea, Covent Garden for shopping, Bedforshire to see African elephants, the River Wey for a summer picnic, topped off with cocktails and silly hats at TGI Fridays. It's been a roller coaster of emotions, but I've been spoilt rotten, and feel truly blessed that i have some amazing friends who took some time to show me how they really felt about me. I'm a very lucky girl, - i wish i knew what I'd done to deserve it.

A decade ago, I never thought I would be, At 23 on the verge of spontaneous combustion - Woe is me

I've been pretty busy over the last few weeks, trying to get my head together and getting ready for my birthday. I've made Kelly a kick ass mix CD for her birthday which i do every year, but I'm especially pleased with this years. I really hope she likes it.

1. The Asteroids Galaxy Tour - The Sun Ain't Shining No More

2. Devendra Banhart - Lover

3. The Virgins - One Week Of Danger

4. Cake - Short Skirt/Long Jacket

5. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll

6. Robyn - Crash & Burn Girl

7. Golden feat. Sophia Shorai - Loosen Up

8. 311 - Amber

9. Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

10. Bat For Lashes - Sleep Alone

11. Florence & The Machine - Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)

12. The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

13. Jay Clifford - Know When To Walk Away

14. Aimee Mann - Save Me

15. The Pernice Brothers - Baby In Two

16. Ingrid Michaelson - Giving Up

17. Third Eye Blind - Jumper

18. The Duke Spirit - This Ship Was Built To Last

19. Franz Ferdinand - No You Girls

20. Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson - Relator

21. Paolo Nutini - Coming Up Easy

I've ordered myself a stunning dress (from oli.co.uk) to wear on my birthday picnic on Sunday, the minute i saw it it reminded me of Alexander McQueen's Spring/Summer 08 dress that i absolutely adored! Although this one i could actually afford!

2 more days left of being 23, I'm trying to be as positive as i can about it, but time is going so fast and I'm moving in slow motion.

Rabbits & Cupcakes

I've been feeling very despondent the last few weeks, and have sunk away back into my little dark hole to recuperate, but this time i have been trying to take "the beautiful things" with me. My favourite line from a poem, a beautiful photograph, a friends embrace, a new pair of earrings, a fresh white page and a red and white spotty scarf. The hole doesn't seem to want any of these things, but I'm determined not to leave them behind.

On a particularly bad day i decided to go to the pet store to get out of the house. Seeing the rabbits always makes me smile, and in an aisle i came across the houndstooth cat bed, and it was reduced! Surely a sign from the gods, so now Jeff has a beautiful new bed, and i have the warmth and pleasure of watching her sleep peacefully in it.

I also tried baking, because it's very hard to be glum when making cake. I made my famous white chocolate covered cupcakes with pink & purple sprinkles. I mainly baked them for my friend Lorraine, who had invited me over to her new house. It didn't seem to help very much, but it did help to get me out of the house when i was feeling low and didn't want to go - because i knew i wasn't going to eat 30 cupcakes! Seeing some friends helped take my mind off my mind for a while.

I have therapy this afternoon, so i hope that should help me turn some kind of a corner, and tomorrow i am spending the day with my very old and close friend Matthew, who has just come back from 2 months in Hawaii, and I've missed him very much.

Birthday Wishes

It's my birthday in a few weeks, and I've spent ages trying to make a list of things I’d like for my mum. I mainly just like surprises though. I desperately need a new camera and a new phone, but I cant seem to find one that I like enough. I think there is a huge market for more feminine looking mobile phones.

As for little bits, I’d love some t shirts by Every Little Counts, a pair of lightning bolt earrings from All Saints, my favourite shop. The Vanity Fair Portraits book by Grayden Carter and Fashionista: A Century Of Style Icons by Simone Werle looks brilliant. I’d love to get my hands on some Tokyomilk products, the packaging is just beautiful. I found this great necklace on the trashandluxury website, shaped like a cat’s head and it has “The Cat’s Meow” engraved on it, a 1920’s slang phrase that i have always loved. And then just make up, underwear, books, baking accessories and of course silver bangles to add to my collection.

Raspberry & Coconut Love

I'm feeling very weary at the moment, i just want to curl up with a blanket and watch old movies. I'm so disappointed with the summer weather, i had hoped to be out enjoying the sunshine, which makes a November trip to California sound even more appealing. On Friday i enjoyed a lovely sunny day in Brighton, shopping and having lunch with Kelly. We then got raspberry and coconut Shakeaways and sat by the pavilion people watching. I love watching children play. I defiantly want to raise my children in Brighton, it has the best of everything, it's so cosmopolitan and laid back, it's where i feel most at home.

Anyways I've ordered a bunch of DVD's in case the weather doesn't pickup, "I Capture The Castle", "Seven Pounds", "My Summer Of Love" & "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist". Now i need to sit down and organise my birthday celebrations and make a birthday list!!

"I Talk To You In My Head All The Time"

Last night i watched "Me Without You". I think it's really difficult to make a serious film about friendship, so many films are about romantic love, but there are very few about real friendship. What i love so much about this one is how suffocating the friendship is, which is so realistic. Friendships are far from perfect, real ones take a lot of hard work. It's hard when you've grown up with people for them to accept you changing and growing and developing. I know I've felt like a Holly my whole life, the mousy one who always felt inferior, it's difficult to grow up if there are always people around reminding you of who you were. Inside me is still the awkward geeky teenage girl. Real friends what to see you blossom into a beautiful adult. I'm lucky to have so many of the real kind. Anyways, the film is great, the clothes are brill, the cinematography is gorgeous and the soundtrack is pretty rockin’.

"You Can Leave Whenever You Want Out"

I'm lovin' the new Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson track "Relator" at the moment. Really looking forward to hearing the rest of the album. Think the idea of a duet album inspired by Serge Gainsbourg & Brigitte Bardot's 1960's albums is a great concept and the album art work looks beautiful too. Thumbs up!

Ode To Museum Feet

Yesterday i went to the National Portrait Gallery with Sari to see the BP Portrait Award Show. It was amazing, i have such respect for artists, i think it is such a gift to be able to express yourself that way. The skill these artists displayed was immense, some of the paintings looked just like photographs, it was mind boggling! You were supposed to vote for your favourite at the end, but i just couldn't decide, they were all so different it was hard to compare one to another. Although i loved the ones that looked like photographs because they were so clever, i think i preferred the ones that were more creative and took more risks, otherwise you might as well have taken a photograph.

After we saw the show we went to the Tudor section so i could see the original paintings of Henry the VIII & his wives and children, and then to the modern section to see portraits of people who have made a significant impact on the 20th century. I really enjoyed the culmination of the fantastic artwork and interpretation as well as the historical background.

I love visiting gallery's and museums- the gift shops aren't bad either!

"Agnes" by Natalie Holland

http://www.npg.org.uk/index.php?id=3940

http://www.natalie-holland.com/index.php

For My Special Friend Sari

http://www.rockettstgeorge.co.uk/

"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds"

This week i have mostly been obsessed with my new Shakespeare ring. It reads

"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds"

it's from Sonnet 116. I'm thinking of buying another one because it's not real silver and i know I'll wear it to death and it will turn green. I'd love to find more Shakespeare inspired jewellery, but it seems to be a rarity.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Happy Birthday Auntie Farn!

Today was my Aunt's Birthday. I haven't seen her for a while as she went to Santa Cruz to visit my cousin so i sent her one of my hand made cards to wish her a Happy Birthday. I love making things for people, i think it's so much nicer when people have put a lot of thought into a gift. My favourite things to make are cards, mix tapes and collages with photo's and bits from magazines.

"I'd Like To Be A Cream Puff"

Last night i went to the cinema to see "Public Enemies" with my friend Jo. I'd been really looking forward to seeing it for a long time, Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Micheal Mann, Marion Cotillard, 1930's, Gangsters - what's not to like! The film was good, not quite as gripping as I'd have liked, but Johnny Depp was brilliant, it's got to be a crime for a man to be that pretty! And why oh why did Men ever stop wearing trilby's!

Marion Cotillard was just beautiful, I've loved her since i saw her in Tim Burton's "Big Fish", she's so captivating on screen. So today's montage is inspired by her her beauty, style and talent. My favourite of her films is "Jeux d'enfant", a french film about two lonely children who become friends and set dares for each other, and as they grow up the dares become more extreme, as do the consequences.

Oh to be a stylish, beautiful, talented french actress!